You know this post was originally gonna be about being humble because I thought that was the main thing I struggle with currently but I went back and I think this is what’s more fitting for me now.
(P.S: If you get confused because I say “I” , it might be weird but it’s like me speaking to myself and its much more comfortable typing this way? if that makes sense ) / also banana ur a real one for still being interested in this, I don’t know if I would have the motivation to do it again if it weren’t for u big dawg.
Update on me:
- since my last post, idk how much I weighed but now ya boy is 180. Ive been eating a little too much Pollo Regio for my own good 😣
- My faith and relationship with God is still stagnant, I feel as though in some way I don’t have a relationship with him anymore and it hurts to know that I use to be so close in the past.
- My financial goals have been going smoothly but its also stagnant and the growth is not what I feel like it should be, its not where I feel like I can make it reach.
- On a positive note though, I have been getting back into fighting again and i’ve been reading a lot which helps me a ton
Lmao this update afte a year is depressing and its not what I hoped it would be but it is what it is and its what im talking about in this post.
Spinning in Circles:
I feel like ive been in this constant loop of not caring about what I’m doing or where I’m going. It’s like I’m living every day as though it doesn’t matter in a sense, just going through the motions. And you may be thinking that it’s not that deep or that improbably overthinking it, but when I sit alone with myself, I can’t help but feel dissatisfied and without a purpose and like wanting more. Whenever I think of the different aspects of my life and really think about them, I find that the things that should be important to me don’t really occupy what I do on a daily basis. My relationship with God I still believe should be the rock I build everything off of, but when I think critically of myself, that’s the thing I spend the least time on a normal day. My fitness goals have been rough too, I have been meaning to for the past 2 years cut my weight back down to 155 but why haven’t I been able to do that yet. Its not that I’m so busy that I wouldn’t have time. Instead, most of my day besides the work that I do is occupied by BS. I jump from youtube video to youtube video mindlessly not knowing what happened in the previous one, I constantly rotate from Snap – twitter – Instagram acting like they are gonna change since I last checked them 15 minutes ago, I talk to friends but when I get off of facetime or stop texting idk what to do with myself next. And after countless days like that, it like time just slips away and it been a year and I’m in the same spot I was in last year, with the same excuses complaining about the same things.
When I’m being real with myself and not sugar coating things, I can tell that I’m BSing myself and maybe that’s the same for you too. But what I think is the source of it is, is not having a real sense of yourself or myself. In the past, I’ve always felt that I made the most progress when I cared about me and took time to pause, think, and become content with myself. And I don’t mean it to sound like one of those weirdos on Instagram talking about “YoU hAvE tO Be UsInG yOur TiMe pRoDuCtIveLy. GRiNd 24/7”. I mean progress as in I’m growing as a person and liking what I see when I look myself in the mirror. I think I’m only slacking so much because I don’t care. I don’t care that I feel empty, that I’m fat asf, that I don’t have a relationship with God. I treat the day like it’s not important so it just goes by. In my past blogs, I wrapped them up like I figured something out and I did, it just that I didn’t care enough about myself to do what I knew was right. So ya boy is gonna stop typing here because I don’t want to sound like a broken record.
As always hmu bruh, and I knoww this post was hella negative and im sorry for it but its how I feel and I rocked with it.
thanks t-nasty